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ANT & Dec.

You can take those boys out of Newcastle, but you will never take Newcastle out of those boys.
Because here we are, at Coolangatta golf club, on the fringes of the Australian rainforest, close to I'm A Celebrity's base camp, enjoying ice cold beers after an erratic, yet thoroughly enjoyable, nine holes in temperatures of 90°F.

When, all of a sudden, a phrase is spat across the 19th hole, like a clubhouse dress code violation.

"Sportsdirect.com@stjames'park." The much hated new name for St James' Park, home of their beloved Newcastle United, and "The straw that broke the camel's back", according to Ant McPartlin.

"How much more are we meant to take," asks partner Declan Donnelly. "The owner, Mike Ashley, has got us relegated, lost us Keegan and Shearer and now he's taking away something that belongs to the people. I just find it so sad and frustrating. But to us, and other fans, it will always be St James' Park."

Feelings made perfectly clear, a little Geordie cloud lifts and order is restored to Ant & Dec's perfect Australian world which, you could be forgiven for thinking, consists mainly of sunbathing, massages, golf and beer.

And there's a good reason for that.

"It's absolutely true. One o'clock massage, two o'clock golf, then beer," chuckles Ant.

"It all started with Natalie Appleton, in series four, who spent so long talking to the psychiatrist before she could do her Bushtucker Trials we kept missing our tee-off time at the golf course.

"So we just built it into our links. You've always got to tell the viewers the truth." This honesty is one of the reasons we love them. Only Ant & Dec could get away with telling viewers: "Camilla is being replaced by Joe Bugner, 'cos he lives up the road... which is handy."

There's much more to it than that, of course, though. Their links are brilliantly written. They're always on the right side of smart-arse and nasty, they can ad-lib better than most stand-up comedians and their timing is God given.

Kim Woodburn (during a critter trial): "My bra is full." Dec: "I had noticed."

Even in an average year, it is always a remarkable television presenting performance, and all the more so because, as well as producers shouting in their ears, Dec keeps a mobile phone switched on in his pocket.

Often it's vibrating away with advice from family in Newcastle ("They're a great barometer").

"But," apologising for the name drop, Dec says: "I get a lot of texts from Ricky Gervais saying 'good series', 'funny link', 'enjoyed that'. He even rang while I was on air during last year's live final. David Walliams texts as well. His are normally very camp. I got one saying 'Your bridge shout was very lacklustre and your jacket is gay'."

Dec adds: "I also keep getting texts saying, 'Jedward are the new Ant & Dec'. And, rather worryingly, a lot of them are from my girlfriend Georgie (Thompson, the Sky Sports presenter)."

"She's right," jokes Ant. "Two years' time, Jedward will be presenting and I'll be a contestant, crying my eyes out in the Bush Telegraph.

"But hopefully people aren't finished with the old Ant & Dec just yet. We've got a few years left haven't we?... Haven't we?"

As many as they want, frankly. The boys have just signed a new two-year ITV contract and took a pay cut, down ten per cent to an estimated £5million EACH, because they love presenting I'm A Celebrity so much.

If the show is axed, you know, it'll be down to ITV rather than these two.

Which brings us to the rather delicate subject of ex-contestant Katie Price, who was last seen chucking cage-fighting cross-dresser Alex Reid live on Monday night's show. "We got two minutes' warning she was going to do that," explains Ant. "She sat down, said she'd just phoned Alex and was now single and was happy to talk about it. So we did."

Both also fully support the controversial decision to put Katie back in the jungle.

Dec says: "I thought it was exciting. I wanted Peter Andre back in there as well, so they could sort out their differences. It was a romantic, rather than a cynical decision.

"I'm just so sorry she left early, because she'd taken her punishment and I think we'd have seen some redemption."

And if there's a hint of wistfulness about Dec's words, it's because she decided to do the show after "consulting" the boys.

Ant says: "She grabbed my head at Simon Cowell's 50th birthday party and said, 'I'm going back in, what do you fink?'

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"I told her it was a great idea, 'cos she's about seven foot tall, with all that hair, and a bit intimidating."

Truth is, though, no one gets on I'm A Celebrity without a man-from- Del-Monte nod from these two, and they're already working on NEXT YEAR'S line-up.

Ant adds: "Towards the end of a series we go out for a few beers and, literally, write our wish list on a beer mat. We often can't read it in the morning, but George Takei was one of our beer mat suggestions, so was Biggins, and Jimmy White" (oops!).

"We've got a new wish list already, Sally Morgan Star Psychic, Mr T, Gary Coleman." (To which I've added Jeffrey Archer and Derek Acorah.) "The name that tops it every year though is Peter Stringfellow, and we think we're very close to getting him."

You wouldn't bet against Stringfellow in a brown vest on I'm A Celeb X. Very persuasive fellas, these two, and astonishingly competitive.

So I don't suppose I can delay this any longer.

Ahem. The golf.

Well, much like a Bushtucker Trial, the results were mostly comical and we all spent far too much time plunging into the billabongs and hacking around, wildly, in the forests.

But Ant & Dec won, of course. They're always the kings of the jungle.

I bet Georgie had great fun ribbing him over that. It's a wonder she never text Ant instead to pay him back for stealing the ornament from simon cowell and hiding it in her handbag!

Yeah i read it in one of those magazines you get free with the weekend newspaper. Ant said G was furious when she found an ornament in her bag after simons birthday party. Ant said he couldn't find anywhere to hide it and G's handbag was nearby, so...

I laughed out loud at that. Ant's so funny.

Yeah, Dec probably can't be trusted either! Bet she wont fall for it again. Lisa should have given her tips.

This must be what I read